First, make it a clear agreement: as a speaker, ask your listeners, “What did you hear” or “What did you have from this conversation?” When an agreement is reached, ask, “Who will do what and when?” Another way to ask is, “What steps will you take as a result of this meeting?” If you feel discomfort or tension, give your listeners permission to give honest feedback. You might also ask, “Is there anything you want to tell me that you think I don`t want to hear?” or “Are there elephants in the room that we need to talk about?” Then, before we know it, our opinions (rules of the game of life) begin to influence our agreements. But what if you have a conversation with someone who has a different view of the world than you do? This can disrupt any understanding we try to forge. Interruption, judgment, disagreements and emotions are now in the driver`s seat and our attention is mainly focused on maintaining our own agreements that we have already made with the world. Unspoken and poorly communicated agreements are like little time bombs that can explode at any time. And the more we, as speakers and listeners, do NOT practice good communication, the more we produce these little time bombs that detonate when we least expect it and cause a huge mess. Failures in the communication of agreements are so common that they can be expected. I think this is not due to a failure of the attempt to understand or be understood. Most people desperately want to be understood even more than they want to agree. I sometimes call it “youth hypnosis” – the things we learn early, which become our opinion on how the world should work, and the rules about how the game of life should be played.
And this is the beginning of the agreements we are beginning to make with ourselves. But what we often don`t realize is that while some of them are conscious, many of them are unconscious. Conscious diversity is spoken or written. Unconscious chords are not said, but often have an equally strong influence on us – even though we may not even be aware of it. .